Transgender Education Collaboration

By: Jena S Lewis 

So often we tell our stories of transition as if they are just that our own individual stories, that many times something gets lost. The fact that we are intersectional beings means that we all are more than the sum of all of our parts, but one part of our being that can never be forgotten is that we are social beings. With us being social beings when we do transition, no matter how transition happens, those we love and care about around us, those we interact with regularly too must transition.

That Story is often forgotten, often many think that transitioning time for those we love starts the day we go full time, it is likely that is not the case, often they know,  and they are there by our sides long before we have the courage to tell them the truth of who we are. 

Because the story of the transitioning family is often drowned out, and not heard, many that do not accept us, and do not support Transgender people our struggle and our need to live our lives as us may infer some inappropriate ideas of the ways our families were, and the way our families may have reacted if they are not there anymore. This for me is my setting the record straight for those that may have it all figured out about someone dear to me that is no longer there physically. 

I shared this on Facebook the day of my College Graduation party....

"Okay I understand this is a bit of preaching to the choir here since you all are on my friends list you are not the people that would ever dare say this to my mother but I need to get it off my chest.......

Yesterday while doing final preparations of the party for today at mom's together She and I had a good cry. You see Yesterday would have been my parents anniversary, I am not sure the exact year # but close to 50 or more.....

Mom shared with me something AWFUL that was said to her regarding me and my transition by people supposedly her "friends." People have been saying to her "It is a good thing Gordy (my dad) didn't have to see this!" they say.......

Let's put the record straight....

My Dad WAS THERE when I was three years old and I kept on wanting to play at the neighbors' house because there I could play dress up and feel like I was me.

My Dad DID see this, my dad was one of the people there holding me every time I cried myself to sleep because I was alone once again all day on the play ground, and when I wasn't it was because people were picking on my teasing me or beating on me.....

My dad WAS THERE holding the knife keeping me from doing something stupid on more than one occasion because I thought the world could not handle a person like me....

My dad WAS THERE holding me all night crying when my Aunt Pat caught me doing something "stupid and strange" because I had not way to express who I was in a house of four boys at my home.....

My dad WAS THERE helping me through the panic attacks, the night terrors, the nightmares that I had for 4 straight years because of growing up in an environment of teasing, torment, and torture.

My dad WAS THERE as I dropped out of high school because I could not handle getting a diploma with a name on it that was not my own....

My Dad WAS THERE as my ex-spouse was running off doing who knows what with who knows who leaving me alone with my children because she refused to understand, and she refused to love me, He and my mom did.....

My Dad WAS THERE WHEN I Finally told him the last week of May 2004 That I could no longer live in fear and I could no longer live in hiding and that I was transitioning...And Most of all MY DAD WAS THERE when he reached across the table at that Bob Even's restaurant and said to me "No matter what I and you mother will always be here for you and we will always love you!" And My Dad WAS THERE, when at the end of that meal he held me for the last time (ever!) and called me his daughter and told me he was proud of his little girl.

How dare you say it is good that my dad was not there!!!! My dad WAS THERE for the hell, He was there for me through every step of my life until his end. My dad knew every little bit of my "struggle" and he still loved me.

The only thing my dad was not there for was the parts when I miss him the most. My dad isn't going to be there at my graduation party, my dad wasn't there when I walked across that stage getting my diploma. My dad wasn't there to see the strong and beautiful women he always knew I could/would grow up to be. [My dad won't be there to walk me down the isle.] 

So seriously do you really think it is a good thing my dad didn't see me? Because for 30 years of my life I felt like he was the only one that did.

Love you dad, and wish you could be here today." 

For my life I was lucky to have a dad, that saw the struggles and the trouble, and even though he did not know what to do he was there to comfort me to let me know I was not alone in the world. However thanks to my fears, and thanks to social pressures my dad wasn't there much longer after that "I'm going full time" conversation the two of us had back in May 2004. Sadly my dad less than a week after that meal went into the hospital for heart surgery and and shortly thereafter left this world. He never did truly get to see the woman that he helped raise. But still I think the point here is that he was there from the beginning, and he was their for the forming, it was just the finished project that he did not see unveiled. 

So many times we forget (as do those that do not support us) that we as social being stand on each others' shoulders, we lift each other up and we all transition through life together. And those transitions do not start the day we go full time, or the day we are diagnosed with an illness, or the day graduate, they are part of the flow of life, a life we all share.

I labeled this as Transitioning families (part 1) because if you have any stories you would like to share about how your family or those around you that were there before you were ready to be we would love to hear about them. And of course we would give you credit (unless you want to remain anonymous). Feel free to email them to the page or add them as a comment thread to this post and we will post them accordingly.